Sunday, March 26, 2006
i don't know what to say ... all i know is that my life took a sudden twist ... and i suddenly feel that the world around me has change dramatically ... i feel like cooping myself at home ... people say i'm strong ... but how strong am i really ? i don't wanna put on a facade ... but if i don't ... then i'll be getting unnecessary attention ... i just wanna stay at home now and be with my mother ... let her know that i share her pain and joy ... that i'm always here ...
i don't know ... i'm not that close to my grandma ... but i still love her all the same ... and knowing the fact that now ... if i ever go back to that house ... i'll never have to greet her again ... she'll be up there with God ... i'm sad ... i feel like crying ... i'll never see her again ... that will come only when it's my turn to return up there ... when i think that if i feel like that when it's only my grandma ... i dare not think how i'd be if it's my mother ...
i never had to deal with such circumstances ... i guess there's a first time for everything huh ?
i asked God ...
to watch over my mother ...
take care of grandma now that she's with Him ...
Love her and keep her happy ...
Give my mother strength to tide over this period of time ...
to tell grandma how much muumy loves her evern though she didn't really say it ...
to tell grandma thank you for bringing mummy up ... if not me and my brother wouldn't be here ...
to just give grandma a new life that she never had here ...
a life free from suffering ...
full of love ...
peace ...
joy ...
and for mommy ... joy in knowing that her mommy is in heaven with God ...
Amen ...
now ... i wanna thank Him for letting my grandma live a life that lasted 92 years ... for letting her go peacefully ... yup ...
if i'm not me for this week and maybe for some more weeks to come ... please understand ... i'm having a hard time now ... and i'll be very quiet for now ... if i'm cold to you ... i'm sorry ... it's not done intentionally ... i just hope i'll be able to find my joy soon ... i've lost it over the weekend ... and i need time ...
that's all for now ...
cheryn ...
posted at 3/26/2006 09:52:00 pm
